Just let it go...

Just let it go....Philippians 3:13-14 Patricia Ann, Originally posted 4/25/2019

Just let it go....

Philippians 3:13-14 Brothers, I do not consider myself to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and reaching forward to what is ahead, I pursue as my goal the prize promised by God’s heavenly call in Christ Jesus.

There are thousands of women and men living in broken marriages filled with strife and torment, their physical bodies deteriorating and their mind confused as to what to do and where to get help. I am writing this from my own experience, from my heart to yours. May we continue to receive the presence and peace of our Lord as we go through our days. 

I heard God say, "Let it go."  Well, that certainly made me stop and think.  Let go of what?  Inside I knew what I needed to let go of.  I had known for a long time.  I just didn't know how.  I didn't know how to let go of this person who was hurting me.  Even though his anger boomed at me weekly through false accusations and yelling outbursts, I felt stuck in what had grown to be a painful soul experience inside of my body and mind. I knew this wasn't good.  I felt like a failure and started to feel unworthy of love.  I tried to get help by talking to my family, but the rejection from them only added to what became increased feelings of helplessness and despair. It lasted for almost five years.  

One of the saddest things that I saw happening was that I was looking for every reason and excuse for why this man I married would treat me cruelly.  And as I looked to find answers, I believe it only empowered him more.  Was I creating a monster by enabling his behavior?

I have always been aware of God's scripture on marriage and how a man is to love his wife and I would cling to what I considered was the hope in that scripture. 

I can see now that I took my focus off of Jesus and put it  on my husband and my husband simply loved getting all of my attention.  My husband demanded my attention and if I took my eyes off of him, he would create a disturbance, to get my focus back on him. When we married,  I thought our focus was together on God and we would walk through life in the freedom of loving as God called us to love one another and others and minister to them according to His plan.  

But when God's plan is interceded by man's selfishness, one can only experience strife and all kinds of troubles. 

There was never a day that went by that I wasn't in the presence of God.  In the midst of the battles and strife, He made Himself known on so many occasions with miracles that would leave me awestruck with the knowledge that He is ever present  in every storm. Still, I felt stuck and with nowhere to turn in this physical world, I maintained my prayer life. I felt like the confusion and strife would never end.

As my husband's demands consumed more and more of my time,  my inner peace was being diminished and I was aware that I so missed my time alone with Jesus. 

I needed my Jesus, my first love. 

My eyes began to open up one day and I realized that it has always been Jesus who is my best friend,  It has always been Jesus that spoke softly into my heart, my being.  It has always been Jesus who wrapped His loving arms around me and let me know I was greatly loved and that I am worthy of love, His love.

What had happened? I wondered.  How did I take my focus off of Jesus and put it on man?  I didn't mean to, as I was striving to have a good Godly marriage, as God speaks of in His word.  I just wanted to have a beautiful cord of three with God at the center of my marriage.

But, the enemy of our God is sly and cunning.

Just as Lucifer wanted to be God, he also seeks to have all of  the attention of mankind to take the focus off of God and onto his worldly ways.  

In that, mankind is selfish, disobedient and operates with controlling and domination over others.

Oh my gosh, I realized that my husband was not even being the Godly man I thought I had married, but instead was operating in the same selfishness of the enemy of God.  In my husband's selfishness, he was destroying me, our marriage and my ministry. He had developed a passive aggressive behavior that could cut me to pieces.  I knew it had to stop, but I still somehow, I felt powerless.  I felt fearful.  

And how many times does the Word of God tell us to Fear not?  

But that spirit of fear had taken up residence in my mind and it was holding me captive.  I didn't feel good any more. My body was wracked with pain, the stresses of feeling inadequate to my husband, as his continual outbursts and rantings ate away at who I was...at who God made me to be.

I needed to remember Whose I am!

In my soul searching, I discovered that I have always known Whose I am. I didn't lose sight of that. But I had been slowly losing my way.

I needed to somehow see my way out of this bondage, the controlling demand for attention by my husband that had stolen my time away from my Lord.  I had been waiting.  I didn't even know what I was waiting for,  just that I was in a time of waiting and that Jesus always picks me up out of every storm and sets me on my feet with a renewed strength. 

Then I heard the words,  "Let it go."  

I didn't know exactly what that meant, so I quietly spent the day pondering the words.  "Let it go."  Did that mean to let go to of the past pain and trauma? I had certainly tried that over time, but every time I let it go there would be another attention seeking fit of rage from my husband.  I often referred to it as a game of ring around the rosy.  It just never stopped. Over and over again for 5 years until I saw no end in sight. 

Did "let it go" mean that God was setting me free from this marriage?  Possibly.  So I did actually get to sit down peaceably with my husband and I told him that I would not do this anymore.  I would not be part of any more strife, chaos and a part of being hurt by the man who is supposed to be loving me according to God's plan.  

When my husband actually acknowledged what I was saying to him, he asked me what to do?  

My answer to him was God's answer,  "Let it go." "Just let it go."

He seemed to get it this time. He seemed to understand the concept of "letting it go."  

I had come to the understanding that in his own reluctance or inability to let the traumas from his past go, he was repeatedly lashing out and hurting me.  I was basically living in the hell of a man who has been lost in a hell of his own, and in that is an open doorway to all sorts of evil.  

 I  came to know that my husband had deep childhood trauma.  I spent five years trying to help a man who couldn't or wouldn't see his way out.  His coldness often penetrated me, as he could soullessly watch me cry and tell me that he couldn't feel.  My heart has hurt with him and for him over the years, but somehow in my effort to help him, I was brought into his hell.   His personal demons lashed out at me, as if to punish me for my happiness and joy, my walk with God and sought to take me down as well.  They say, misery loves company, but that's not for God's people. That's not God's design. God's plan for His children is a plan for freedom to love and to live! 

Only when we face our past hurts and the traumas involved, will we find freedom. We find freedom in Jesus Christ by "letting it go"  and offering forgiveness to those who have hurt us.  I forgive my husband for the things that he has done and said to me. I pray that he discovers Whose he is and will go forth in the freedom of living a God-fulfilled life.

My prayer for today is that striving ceases as we just "let it go" .  Whether it is a personal childhood trauma, a traumatic relationship, illness, or any other torment. Just know that Jesus is always right by our side.  He is ready to take that which seeks to hold us in  bondage. There is nothing that He refuses to take if we are only willing to release it unto him.  We have to be willing to give it up to him without fear of losing something.  Losing something for Christ is will always result in gain!  I pray that we take our eyes off the pain and focus on the gain!

Even if we have to let go of a relationship for striving to cease, just know that it is okay, as the Lord our God seeks our whole heart.  We must find who we are,  through knowing Whose we are!  There is One who always has our back, catches our every tear and is available 24/7 year after year.  Thank you, Jesus for this message today and for setting us free with three simple words, "Let it go."  

Love and blessings to all as our healing continues.  In Jesus name, Amen.